Living can be terrifying
It’s not easy being alive but the thought of death terrifies me.
I have been a diabetic for 20 years and its been a turmoil of ups and downs. Hypos and hypers, the works. With time the depression kicked in… My life was nowhere where I expected it to be
… I had not accomplished anything I wanted. I felt like a complete failure… My marriage was a disaster… My husband couldn’t stand me and I hated my life yet the thought of dying terrified me. I didn’t want to live but I couldn’t stand the thought of seizing to be.
Eventually I ended up in a mental institute and then my husband left me. I was inadequate and beneath him though I helped him get to where he was.
I had support from friends and family and I made it out of the depression but constantly being in hospital took a toll on me and I ended up back where I began… My hypos got so bad, I had almost died on multiple occasions. I survived by some miracle but the past few days have been unfathomable. I have seen near death experiences that have shook me beyond my understanding. I am in a trance but I know living is hard but dying and leaving my child behind is not an option. Crying is not a luxury I posses. It won’t be easy but I will make it.